It was then at that moment. I can remember the moment, I think. Maybe? I’m not sure who I was or what I was thinking but I know where I’m going. I think I know where this is going. Perhaps? Who can say? Oblivion.
It’s when I dug past the adamantine layers of who we claim to be that I found it. I found the reality at the heart of the universe. Our universe. We had fought, loved, laughed, raged and roared never knowing each other’s true self. But I finally did it. I had to kill you first. I am so sorry about that. I never wanted to do that but I hope you know it was necessary. You would’ve battled me tooth and nail to the very end if I tried to peek inside. But when you had your guard down and back turned I struck the killing blow. Blood poured out of you like a violent river. I am truly sorry about all that.
I started peeling them away. The layers on top came first. They were easiest. The most superficial part that we put on display for the world. You had already removed that once before when we were alone. Because we are friends. We’re friends aren’t we? Just a layer deep and there was more of the person only I knew. Fresh flesh still hot but would turn rigid and cold soon. Now was time to begin the real discovery. I was an archaeologist! I would uncover the ancient ruins that made you what you are. I chiseled away at the much more guarded layer. This flesh would not come off easy but off it would come. Like cutting pieces off a chicken. Piece by piece you revealed yourself to me. By the time I was done with the fleshy layer I was covered in your beautiful blood. I was closer to you than ever. Now was the real challenge. So much bone. It was like trying to crack a diamond with a feather. I’ve come this far. I have to see what is at the center of you, of us, our universe! Knock knock knock, crumbling away here and there. The blood on my face didn’t even have a chance to crust up thanks to the sweat pouring from my scalp mixing with it, keeping it moist and fresh. I now saw the network of veins that powered you. I had shut this whole operation down. I really do apologize for that. Do you still love me?
Here it was
I confess I was not very careful and patient at this point. I yanked and tore the veins in something of a frenzy because I could feel it now. I could feel the essence of you closer to me than ever. Would I find God? Would I find the Universe? Or maybe Utopia? Perhaps a great void as the final bad joke? I was afraid to know but excited all at once. There’s your heart. It no longer beats of course. It no longer animates the person I adore. That makes me so sad but I had to understand you. I couldn’t live with the facade anymore. I grabbed the beat-less heart with both hands and with all my might I yanked it away from your chest! And there It was. I will never be the same. I see why you kept It from me. It was more wondrous than anything I could have ever imagined. Pure black. It was like a pearl made out of space. But there were no stars, no celestial bodies, no planets, no shooting stars, nothing. But It isn’t simply nothing. It’s a Nothing that exists. It pulled me in closer and closer. Bloody faced and exhausted. It still chose me. You were still choosing me. After everything between us and what I had done to you. I fell into it. Your blood was blown away and I was just me again. Only now I was enveloped in the black shimmer. It’s so strange to see the black dance around without any light to speak of. It’s nothing anyone in the world ever expected. We all have our ideas and predictions don’t we? But I did what it took to find out. I killed you and opened you. And now I am only you. Blackest of black and deeper than life or death.”